A good rule of thumb in storytelling is “show, don’t tell.” The corollary is not to explicitly tell what is already shown. This story would have benefited from these guidelines. Simpler is better. The shifting narratives don’t appear to have a purpose, other than emulating a popular style. In some cases, it’s both unnecessary and confusing, e.g., the voices of the two detectives are essentially identical. The story might have worked better in third person. Dialogue was uneven. At times, the characters simply spouted plot points in service of moving the story along. At other times, the conversation flowed in a believable manner. The contrast is jarring. And this extract: “She is a dead ringer for a young Stevie Nicks. We’ve been mistaken for sisters more than once, which I always take as a compliment.” A) Inherent assumption the reader knows who Stevie Nicks is and what she looked like in the 1970s; B) the protagonist and her best friend look alike; C) the authors want you to know that the protagonist looks like this celebrity. That’s a lot of heavy lifting for a reader. Why not just describe Stevie Nicks and attribute the descriptors to the character? Showing would be so much more effective: “Rachel’s soft hair and soulful eyes give her an ethereal quality.” Then compare/contrast the protagonist’s appearance. Like I said above: good idea, poor execution.