Drawing Free by Elena Aitken
2
By readenoughtobedangerous
I hope the author’s other books are better than this one. USA Today rates her as a best seller. According to the author “thank-you’s” in this book, many people helped with structure, punctuation, story, etc. ..... all the things that go into a good book. Were any of them a professional publisher’s book editor? Probably not. The premise is decent, but that’s about it.
The characters are one dimensional and stereotypical. Their dialogue was not realistic; obviously written from one point of view - the author’s. Convenient conversations, that did not match what a real husband, friend, brother might say. A love interest that tells the protagonist, “ I’ve been attracted to you from the first moment I saw you”. We never find out why he does and as she is an absolute mess when he meets her, it does not work at all.
The writing is not tight. A huge disconnect was so noticeable - who edited this thing? I quote from the book: “He HELD A CARDBOARD BOX IN FRONT of him and a smile he wasn't even trying to hide played on his lips.........[don’t even get me started on the hiding and playing thing]
“Back off. I swear I'll hit you if you take another step."
"Okay, Becca," he said. "I may not look it, [it was dark, under a porch roof, with a little moonlight, yet...] but I'm smart enough to know when to leave a lady alone." He RAISED HIS HANDS in surrender and turned to leave.”
“He had one of those sexy, rustic beards that meant he hadn't seen a razor in a few days. ........ The stranger's hair was shaggy, past his ears, curling up at his collar. He was tall, probably six-two, and despite the broad shoulders and the muscles that were straining against his thin t-shirt, he really didn't seem very dangerous.” [That’s one heck of a bright moon. Ever read a good crime novel? Ever watch an excellent detective style movie? When people are frightened by an intruder, they rarely remember this kind of detail.]
I lowered the stick. It was getting heavy, anyway. [It was a wooden walking stick. They are not heavy. It would defeat its own purpose if it was.] Wait," I said. "How did you know my name?"..........
"Who are you?" I asked him.
"The name's Jason," he said. He SHIFTED THE BOX TO ONE ARM and offered me his hand. "Nice to meet you."
The character carries a box with 2 hands. He does NOT put into down yet is able to raise both hands in a gesture of surrender. (Try it, it’s not possible to accomplish.) Then the box is shifted to 1 arm - makes sense as he had been holding it with both hands, unless he really did put it down which would have been on the floor as there was nothing around him to put it on; in which case it would have to show he picked it up again. See what I mean?
There are others mishaps that show lack of editing and tight writing. When the main character arrives at a cabin, she describes what she sees......
“A large ANTIQUE TRUNK ACTED AS A NIGHTSTAND,” (and yet at what is supposed to be a climatic moment....)
“But it wasn't a NIGHTSTAND. It was an ANTIQUE TRUNK. The hinges were facing out towards the room, which meant the lock must be facing the wall. I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it before.”
I couldn’t believe it either because you already said you knew what it was! Here’s a funny one:
“Her basket bounced against her heavy leg with every step.” Her heavy leg? What, was her other leg light? Did this character just have large legs - both of them? Did the author mean to say ‘the heavy basket bounced against her leg with every step’?
I am a reader not a writer (which is obvious), but these types of mistakes are Writing 101.
Oh my! Her daughter has an accident and Bang! Everyone has a change of heart. Oh dear, they will have to talk a little more, but everything that has been bad for years is going to be alright. What? How? Why? A couple “I’m sorrys”, tears and hugs always makes everything a happy ending.